


To the Victor the Spoils

by butterflyslinky



Series: Spoils of War [1]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e20 Improbable Cause, Episode: s03e21 The Die Is Cast, M/M, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:28:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9950450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky
Summary: It's too easy to exploit a weakness like Julian.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The impetus for this story came down to two things. First, that Julian Bashir is pretty and I want to hurt him. Second, an unfortunate type that made a message read "Tain's war ho" and led to a two-week discussion of what to do with the thought. Thanks to lady_sci_fi for beta-ing.

“Of course I’m coming with you,” Julian said as they headed for the docking bay. “Commander Sisko can’t just give a Starfleet runabout to two non-Starfleet people. Besides, if he’s hurt, you’ll want a doctor right there rather than risk dragging him all the way back to the station.

“My dear doctor, I don’t object to you coming.” This was almost certainly a lie, but Julian wanted to believe it. “I just don’t think you understand what this undertaking actually entails.”

“We’re going to find Tain and rescue him,” Julian said. “Sounds simple enough to me.”

“When it comes to Tain, nothing is simple,” Garak said. “There could be considerable danger involved.”

“And that’s why I’m going.” Julian smiled at Garak. “If anything happens to you, I want to be there to help.”

“Well, thank you.”

Odo was already waiting when they arrived. Julian took the passenger seat and Garak sat down at the console. They didn’t speak much until they were on the way to Cardassia.

“That woman, Mila,” Odo said. “Who is she?”

“She’s been Tain’s housekeeper and confidante for over thirty years,” Garak answered.

“She seemed almost…fond of you.”

Garak looked almost offended. “Is it so hard to believe that there’s one person in this galaxy who regards me with a certain affection?”

Julian repressed the urge to answer that. He had resolved to keep his feelings for Garak buried—the last thing Garak needed were more complications.

“I could believe there's one,” Odo said. “But I wouldn't expect it to be someone who works for Enabran Tain.  It's my understanding that the two of you didn't part on the best of terms.”

“You could say that,” Garak agreed. “Tain is directly responsible for my being exiled from Cardassia.”

Julian tried not to look too interested. It was very rare for Garak to share anything about his past—to hear him actually admit something like that… “Why?” Julian asked.

Garak and Odo looked back at him. “Why what?” Garak asked.

“Why are we going to rescue the man who exiled you?” Julian asked. “It just doesn’t make sense! He hates you—he told me himself when I went to see him about your implant!”

“My dear doctor, that isn’t what he said,” Garak said. “He said he wants me to be miserable for a long time. There’s a difference.”

“That’s pretty hard to misinterpret,” Julian muttered.

“I admit, I don’t understand it, either,” Odo added.

Garak only raised his eyebrows. “I can see how it would be puzzling.”

They were quiet for a moment before Odo spoke. “All right…you owe him something.”

Garak smiled. “A logical deduction. I can see why you’re the constable.”

“But it’s more than that,” Odo continued. “He means something to you…something personal.”

Julian snorted. “Exiling him is pretty personal if you ask me.”

“No one did ask you,” Garak snapped. “And the constable has moved from deduction to supposition.”

“Sorry,” Julian said. “But I agree with Odo. You wouldn’t do this just to repay a debt.”

“Are you saying I have no sense of honor?”

“Not at all,” Julian said. “But it would have to be a pretty big debt for you to risk your life.”

Odo nodded. “You wouldn’t risk going into Cardassian space for just anyone. It would have to be someone important to you…someone you care about.”

Garak was quiet and Odo continued. “I think you were more than Tain's advisor... I think you were his protégé.  And he was your mentor.  That is, until he sent you into exile...and yet, despite that, you still care enough about him to risk your life for him.” Odo gave Garak a pointed look. “Or is that just supposition?”

Garak didn’t say anything.

“That is what you told me,” Julian said. “When you were…when you thought you were dying. You said you were close to him…that they called you the son of Tain. I thought it might have been a lie, but…”

“Who’s to say it wasn’t?” Garak asked. “I’d expect such analysis from you, Doctor…you do tend to read more into people than is really there. But you, Constable…well, that’s interesting coming from you.”

Julian sighed in exasperation. “Come on, Garak. If we’re going to risk our lives for him, you might as well tell us why.”

“You’re risking your life out of some misplaced sense of loyalty,” Garak said. “I didn’t ask you to come, Doctor. You made that decision on your own. As to you, Odo…well, I wouldn’t expect you to understand. You don't know what it means to care about someone, do you?  People are just interesting creatures to you, to be studied and analyzed.”

“Is there a point to that statement?” Odo asked.

“Just that I find it interesting that you'd ascribe feelings and motivations to me that you personally know nothing about.” Garak turned back to Odo and gave him a piercing look. “Or am I wrong?  Tell me, is there one person in this universe that you care about?  One person that is more to you than just an interesting puzzle to be solved.  Is there, Odo...anyone?”

Odo snorted. “If there were, I certainly wouldn’t tell you.”

Garak grinned. “And that would be a wise decision.”

They all fell silent. Julian turned the conversation over in his head, but Garak hadn’t given him any new information. It was very frustrating.

*

It wasn’t surprising they got caught, though the Romulan warbird was a bit surprising. Garak glanced at Julian and Odo as the Romulans stormed the runabout, trying to apologize for dragging them into this. Odo looked as neutral as ever. Julian was trying to look brave, but Garak caught just a hint of excitement. No doubt the young doctor found this a very good adventure so far.

They were conducted down the corridors to an office or ready room or whatever Romulans called it. Garak braced for an interrogation…

Only to get another shock as the door opened and he saw Tain himself sitting at the desk, looking perfectly calm and in place.

“Tain…” Garak breathed.

Tain smiled. “Hello, Garak…it’s good of you to come. It saves me the trouble of having to send someone else to kill you…come in, come in.”

Slowly, they moved forward. The Romulans took position by the door, but Garak barely noticed them.

“It’s been a long time, Elim.” Tain’s eyes swept over him. “So, you’re a tailor now. Is this one of your creations?”

Garak found his voice. “A minor example of my work.”

“I’m not sure I like the neckline.”

“You always did have a keen sense of fashion.” Garak looked Tain over, trying to keep himself calm. “But it seems you’ve let it go…along with your once-trim figure.”

He heard Julian snicker behind him, though the doctor did manage to turn it into a cough. Tain smiled. “Doctor Bashir! A pleasure to see you again.”

“Under the circumstances, I can’t say I feel the same,” Julian said.

“We do always seem to meet when Elim’s gotten himself into trouble,” Tain said. “And Constable Odo! I’ve always wanted to meet you.”

Odo managed to make himself look even grumpier than usual. “I wish I could say the same.”

“Come now...haven't you ever been the least bit curious about me?” Tain asked. “About my relationship with Garak...our work in the Obsidian Order?”

“I seldom waste time speculating about retired spymasters and their associates.”

Tain smiled slightly and turned back to Garak. “He’s good. He hides his true feelings almost as well as you, Elim. He’d have made a good operative, in the old days.”

A slight bit of warmth bloomed in Garak’s chest at that faint praise. “I’ve had the same thought myself,” he said. “But then, those days are long gone…at least, they are for me.” He looked around, thinking fast. “You, on the other hand, seem to have left your retirement far behind.  Unless you're simply on a pleasure cruise with your pointed-eared friends.”

Tain laughed and looked at Odo and Julian. “Cunning, isn't he?  He makes a racial slur within earshot of two Romulans, putting me in the position of either having to defend them—and thus giving away my allegiance to them—or letting the comment pass...in which case he's managed to plant a seed of discord between us.”

Julian looked rather impressed, which did a bit to bolster Garak’s spirits, but Odo merely snorted. “Frankly, I don't find any of this interesting.  You both go to such lengths to hide the true meaning of your words that you end up saying nothing.”

Tain’s expression remained pleasant. “I think you’ll find that when I have something to say, you won’t have any trouble understanding it.”

There was a pause before Tain continued. “To answer your question, Garak, I'm not on a pleasure cruise. This ship is part of a fleet of Romulan and Cardassian vessels...a fleet which will soon be traveling through the wormhole into the Gamma Quadrant.”

Odo and Julian exchanged looks of horror. “I take it you’re not on a mission of peaceful exploration,” Odo said.

“Not exactly,” Tain said.

“You’re going to attack the Dominion, aren’t you?” Odo asked. “You're going to stage a first strike against them, before they can come into the Alpha Quadrant.”

“A clear and precise analysis,” Tain said. “Commander Sisko must find you a valuable advisor.”

“It’s a daring plan,” Garak said, impressed. “I didn't think there was anyone in the Central Command bold enough to take on the Dominion.”

“Who said anything about the Central Command?” Tain asked. “This is a joint operation between the Obsidian Order and the Tal Shiar.  We've been building a fleet of ships in the Orias System for months now.”

“So that’s what it was,” Julian muttered. “Sisko had wondered.”

“I suppose he did,” Tain agreed. “And he’ll understand why we had to stop that Maquis ship from finding out about it.”

Odo made an impatient noise. “If you attack the Dominion they'll certainly strike back.  You'll be taking Romulus and Cardassia into war...a war you may not win.”

“I don't think they'll be striking back,” Tain said. “We intend to wipe out the Dominion in a single blow...by eliminating the Founders.  Without them, the Dominion will collapse.”

Odo and Julian looked even more disturbed. “But…that’s genocide!” Julian gasped out. “You’ll be destroying an entire species!”

“It is an unfortunate sacrifice,” Tain said. “But I think you’ll agree, the Dominion poses too large a threat. We cannot allow them to strike first.”

“Don’t try to moralize with him, Doctor,” Garak said. “Your Federation ideals don’t mean anything here.”

Tain smiled and looked back at Odo. “You seem disturbed by that, changeling... why?  After all, you've turned your back on your people.”

“You seem to know a great deal about me and…my people,” Odo answered.

“We know everything you know,” Tain agreed. “Including the location of their homeworld.”

Odo’s eyes grew wide. “Starfleet has shed its intelligence on the Dominion with the Romulans…”

“And the Romulans have shared it with me,” Tain finished.

Garak stepped forward, tired of all this and wanting to get to the point. “You'll forgive me if I reduce the scope of this conversation to something a little more personal.”

Tain looked at him expectantly.

“Why was it necessary to kill me, and the rest of our former associates, before embarking on this... excursion into the Gamma Quadrant?”

Tain’s smile grew a bit. “Because, Garak, I don't plan on going back into retirement when this is over.  I plan on going back to my old job, and my old life.”

Julian looked unimpressed. “I think I’d rather deal with the Dominion,” he muttered.

Garak ignored him. “And you were afraid we knew things about you... things that could be used against you.  So you decided to have us eliminated.”

“Like I used to say,” Tain said. “Always burn your bridges behind you... you never know who might be trying to follow.”

“You also used to say that the Tal Shiar was sloppy,” Garak pointed out. “You shouldn't have relied on them to burn your bridges.”

“True,” Tain said. “They never should have hired the Flaxian to blow up your shop.”

Garak smiled, pleased that he’d gotten the drop on Tain. “Actually, I blew up my shop.” Tain looked surprised. “It was a way of piquing the good constable’s interest.”

Tain sat down and chuckled. “You blew up your own shop...You, my friend, are a true original.  If you hadn't betrayed me, things would have been very different.”

And there it was. The reason they were here, the reason Garak was standing with a Bajoran security officer and a Starfleet doctor instead of at Tain’s side. “I never betrayed you!” he burst out. “At least…not in my heart.” And it was true. Whatever else happened, whatever he had done, he had not betrayed Tain. He couldn’t betray him. “Why do you think I came here? I came because I thought the Romulans were trying to kill you.” Garak swallowed. “I came here to save you.”

When he said it out loud, it sounded ridiculous, like one of Julian’s melodramas. Julian was certainly looking a bit emotional about it, though Tain retained his veneer of calm as he studied Garak.

Finally, Tain spoke. “I never thought I’d hear myself say this, Garak, but I believe you.” He nodded. “You can go.”

Garak blinked, shocked. “Excuse me?”

“The changeling has to stay, of course,” Tain continued. “And I think it would be best if Starfleet didn’t try to stop me, so the doctor will be remaining as well, as leverage. But you’re free to go. Your runabout is in Launching Bay Three.”

Julian. He could leave, but Julian would be stuck here, in Tain’s clutches, and the Prophets only knew what would happen to him. Stalling for time, Garak asked, “Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“Aren’t you concerned I’ll warn Starfleet and Central Command about your plans?”

“It's too late.  The Central Command will have a war on their hands, whether they want one or not.  And as for Starfleet, this isn't their fight, they won't interfere…not if they want Doctor Bashir to come back alive.”

“It’s a trick, Garak,” Odo said. “After all this, he’s not just going to let you walk away.”

“It’s not a trick,” Tain said. “It’s a choice.” He smiled. “You can walk out that door…or you can join me.”

Garak blinked in surprise. “Join you?”

“That is what you've been waiting for, isn't it?” Tain asked. “To end your exile, to come back into the fold. I'm giving you the chance to serve Cardassia again...at my side.”

“Garak, no!” Julian suddenly burst out.

Garak ignored him. “You’ll pardon me if I appear a little startled,” he said. “But are you saying that all is forgiven?” Please…please, let this be real. If he could stay, he could protect them. If he could stay here, as Tain’s equal, he might be able to save them all.

“I can't forgive what you did,” Tain said. “But I can try to forget...put it aside as if it never happened.” He walked back to Garak. “So...do you want to go back to your shop and hem pants...or shall we pick up where we left off?” He extended his hand, a genuine offer.

It was real, he could stay…he could go home, he could protect Julian…

“Garak, this is the man who put you into exile!” Odo cried. “The man who two days ago tried to have you killed…”

“Yes, he is,” Garak said. “And it doesn’t matter.”

“Garak, please.” Julian sounded desperate, hurt. “Don’t do this…you’re a better man than this, I know you are!”

“Am I, Doctor?” Garak asked. “I don’t think you know me as well as you think.” _Keep quiet, silly boy, and let me save you._ Garak reached out and accepted Tain’s hand. “I’m back.”

*

The Romulans pulled Julian out of the office and down the corridor. Julian thought about struggling, but realized it would be pointless. Even if he used his full strength, he couldn’t fight an entire crew by himself.

He glanced at Odo, who walked calmly, staring straight ahead. Clearly, Odo didn’t fancy their chances either. Julian took a breath and did his best to imitate the calm façade. Even if Garak had betrayed them, betrayed _him,_ he could stay strong. Who needed Garak, anyway? This was what he wanted. Julian didn’t care.

They reached an intersection. The guards around Odo went one way, but the guards dragging Julian turned the other way. They kept going until they reached a door. One of the Romulans punched in the code and then Julian was pulled inside and shoved to the center of the room.

“Strip,” one of the guards commanded.

Julian stared, uncomprehending.

“Tain wants you ready for your interrogation. Strip.”

“What if I don’t?” Julian asked, more bravely than he felt.

The Romulan frowned, then stepped over. He grabbed the front of Julian’s jacket and pulled sharply, tearing it down the middle. He then tugged the jacket off and tossed it aside before tearing Julian’s undershirt in the same manner, leaving the doctor half-naked and shivering.

The Romulan reached for his pants and Julian stepped back. “No, I…I can manage.” He took a deep breath, kicked off his shoes and undid his pants, pulling them off and setting them aside. He hesitated, but the Romulan raised an eyebrow and Julian pulled his briefs off as well.

He stood, trying not to feel awkward but with a blush already spreading across his face and neck. The Romulans didn’t seem to notice. One stepped up and pulled his hands behind his back, locking them there with a set of wrist restraints. Once secured, the Romulans shoved Julian back onto the cot. He fell gracelessly and a second set of restraints were attached to his ankles.

“Wait here,” the first guard said. The two guards turned and left the room, locking the door behind them.

Julian wriggled around, trying to find a comfortable position with his hands and feet tied. It took a while, but he finally managed to turn on his side, facing the door. Whatever Tain had in mind for him, Julian would be ready to face it.

Julian’s internal clock kept time. It was nearly half an hour later when the door finally answered and Tain stepped inside. Julian was mildly surprised—surely with Garak’s new position, he’d be the one handling prisoners while Tain directed the attack?

“Ah, Doctor,” Tain said pleasantly. “I do hope you’re not too uncomfortable yet?”

“What do you want?” Julian spat.

“From you? Nothing.” Tain walked over and smiled down at Julian like they were just friends having lunch. His smile looked eerily like Garak’s. “But I do want something from Garak. You see, between you and me, I’m not entirely sure of his sincerity in joining my cause.”

“Not sure…he wants nothing else!” Julian said. “For three years, he’s only wanted to go home!”

“Well, I’m sure he does,” Tain said. “But the Federation…I’m afraid it’s made him soft. It’s given him…weaknesses. And when it comes to actually destroying a planet, I don’t think he has the fortitude anymore.” He paused, his smile turning into a smirk. “At least, not yet. I’m going to give him his fortitude.”

Julian swallowed. “What does that have to do with me?”

“Like I said, he has weaknesses.” Tain reached down and ran a hand down Julian’s neck and shoulder. Julian jerked away, rolling over onto his back in spite of the weight on his hands. “And you seem to be a very big weakness for him.”

“So you’re going to torture me,” Julian said. “You’re going to make Garak go along with what you say. And you’re going to do it yourself so you can be sure it hurts.”

“Very good, Doctor,” Tain said. “But if you’re worried about whips and knives and pain collars, don’t be. This doesn’t have to be unpleasant for you.”

“What…”

Julian’s eyes widened as Tain reached down and undid his belt. “Turn over,” Tain commanded.

“No…”

Tain sighed as he finished undoing his pants. He reached down and moved Julian, flipping him onto his stomach. Julian tried to struggle, tried to roll off the cot, but then Tain was on him, heavy and hot, his hand pressing down on Julian’s neck.

“I don’t want to do this to you,” Tain said. “But he needs to see…you’re a weakness he can’t have. He has to learn that he can’t have everything he wants, especially the things that can hurt him.”

Julian started to scream as Tain pushed in, but his cry was cut off by a hand around his throat. Julian tried to breathe in, but Tain cut off his breath. Julian struggled, fighting to get his hands free, to throw the man off of him…

Tain’s hand tightened and the intrusion behind Julian grew more painful as the Cardassian pushed in harder. Julian choked, tried to take in air. His vision was spotty, even as Julian desperately forced his blood pressure to lower, to get just enough oxygen…maybe he could lower it enough to put himself in a coma. Maybe if he went limp Tain would stop…and if he didn’t, at least Julian wouldn’t have to feel it anymore…

The hand at his throat suddenly loosened and Julian gasped, sucking in air desperately. The pain inside lessened a bit and Julian did his best to breathe regularly.

“You’ll stay quiet,” Tain said. “I don’t want Elim to know what’s happening to you…yet.”

Julian didn’t answer, just breathed. In, out, in, out. Unconsciously, he matched the rhythm of his breaths to the rhythm of Tain’s thrusting. It did help somewhat. He felt tears sliding down his face, a distant warmth that was really no help at all right now. Tain’s hands moved to his hips, squeezing hard, painful, almost excruciating. Julian guessed there would be bruises later.

It seemed to go on forever, though Julian’s brain kept perfect track of time and told him that it was only ten minutes later when Tain finally shuddered and groaned. Julian felt a warm wetness spread through his lower body and he shuddered violently in disgust. His entire body ached, the weight and intrusion taking their toll even on his strength. Tain pulled away and got up. Julian kept his eyes squeezed shut. He couldn’t look at the man, didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to see him ever again…

The restraints on his wrists and ankles were released. “Get dressed,” Tain said. “You’re coming back to the office.”

Julian curled into a defensive ball, whimpering.

“Don’t make me ask you again, Doctor, or the knives will come out.”

Slowly, shakily, Julian uncurled. He got to his feet, forcing his trembling legs to support his weight as he made his way over to the pile of clothes on the floor. Tain watched, patient and calm, as Julian struggled into his underwear and pants. He hesitated as he reached for the torn shirt, but then left it and picked up his jacket. It was also torn, but he could pull it around himself enough to preserve his dignity.

“You’re stronger than I thought,” Tain said. Julian kept his head down, clutching his jacket around himself. “Come on, then.” Tain turned and headed out the door. Julian hesitated, then took one step forward before the pain overwhelmed him and he fell, crying out.

Tain sighed and went back. He grabbed Julian by the upper arm and hauled him up. Julian tried to wrench his arm away, but Tain’s grip was too strong. The Cardassian dragged Julian through the door and back towards the office. About halfway down the corridor, Julian’s legs gave out again. Tain shook his head and pulled Julian on his knees the rest of the way.

Eventually, Julian’s brain kicked back online and went into high gear, trying to process. Tain had…no, he wouldn’t think it, couldn’t think it…Tain had done this to him, to make sure Garak would cooperate…but Garak didn’t love him, didn’t care at all about him. If Garak had cared, he would have said no to Tain to begin with. He would have taken Tain’s first offer and left, sending Starfleet after them. If Garak cared about him, he would have shot Tain where he stood…

No, Garak didn’t care. Garak didn’t want anything to do with him. And if Garak felt guilty about this…well, that was his problem.

*

Garak went back to the office, feeling rather disappointed that Odo hadn’t given him anything. He didn’t want to hurt the constable to get information, but he had a feeling Tain would do whatever it took to get Odo to tell them every detail about the Founders.

Tain was waiting for him, sitting back and looking very calm and pleasant. To Garak’s surprise, Julian was next to him, sitting on the floor. Garak’s eyes flickered over the doctor and he had to fight to mask his feelings.

Because Julian looked terrible. He wore no shirt. Instead, he huddled in his jacket, which was clearly torn, only Julian’s hands keeping it together. There were bruises in the shape of fingerprints on his throat, his hair was out of place, and when he looked up, his eyes were full of pain and betrayal.

“Elim!” Tain’s voice cut through Garak’s thoughts, pleasant and jovial as usual. “I’m eager to hear your report?”

Garak didn’t look away from Julian. “What have you done with him?” he demanded.

Tain barely spared a glance for Julian. “Does it matter?” he asked. “He’s my prisoner. What matters is your prisoner. What did he tell you?”

“Nothing,” Garak said. “He’s being quite obstinate…Enabran…”

“We’ll have to try again,” Tain said. “Be a little more forceful.”

“And what did the doctor tell you?” Garak asked, fighting to keep his voice steady.

“He didn’t tell me much of anything,” Tain said. “But I expected that. You’re telling me everything I wanted to know right now.”

“I…”

Tain’s smiled vanished. “How many times, Elim?” he asked as though he were speaking to a child. “We’ve been through this. Sentiment is weakness…and you’re letting it rule you.”

“I assure you, I feel no sentiment towards him,” Garak said, perhaps a bit too quickly. “I merely wondered…”

“Really?” Tain interrupted. “Then why are you asking? Why are you looking at him with so much pain on your face? If I didn’t know better, I’d think you cared for him…very deeply.”

“I do not,” Garak said firmly. “However, I do feel, after three years of lunch together, I at least owe him the courtesy of asking.”

“Really, Elim? Three years of lunch and you’re concerned enough to ask? You’ve gotten soft…you’ve grown attached.”

“I haven’t…”

Tain sighed and leveled a kick at Julian’s face. Julian fell back with a cry, his nose bleeding. Garak forced himself to keep his face neutral even as his heart cried out in pain.

“Sentiment,” Tain said. “You needed reminding…don’t get attached to anything.” He reached down and grabbed Julian’s collar, pulling him up. Julian struggled to keep his jacket closed as he was dragged into Tain’s arms. “It can be taken away…and you’ll spend too much time trying to get it back.” His hand closed over Julian’s throat, fingers matching the bruises exactly.

“There’s no sentiment involved,” Garak growled. “I have no feelings toward him whatsoever.”

“Prove it.” Tain shoved Julian towards Garak. The doctor fell to the floor and instinctively curled into a ball.

Garak stepped forward and faltered. Julian hadn’t fought, hadn’t done anything but allow Tain to drag him around. The bruises, the torn uniform…Garak could piece together what Tain had done to him, what he would keep doing to him. And Garak…Garak would have to just watch, and stay quiet, and do whatever it took to make Tain believe he didn’t care…

Could he, though? Could he pretend he didn’t care at all, that he didn’t love the doctor with whatever parts he had left of his heart? Could he actually hurt him?

“Elim?”

Garak took a breath, then stepped forward. He knelt next to Julian, examining him quickly. “Are you all right?” he whispered.

Julian didn’t answer, only curled up tighter, as though he was trying to hide.

Garak sighed. “I’m sorry,” he hissed, and then he yanked Julian up by the collar. Julian came up willingly, not fighting, barely even responding. “Knife,” Garak said, not taking his eyes from Julian’s. He owed him that much, at least, to look in his eyes as he hurt him.

Tain produced one and slid it across the desk. Garak reached over and grabbed it. He kept his eyes trained on Julian as he raised the knife and started cutting away at the jacket, slicing the sleeves and the top layer of skin. Delicate work, very delicate, just enough to make him bleed. Enough to hurt him, but not break him.

The jacket fell away, even as Julian tried to clutch the tatters around him. Garak pushed him back a bit, needing more room to work. Julian fell to the ground again, his legs shaking too much to support him. Fine. Garak turned him over with his foot. He knelt down and brought the knife to Julian’s back, making shallow cuts across the soft skin. Julian cried out, but didn’t struggle.

He’d dreamed about this, before. Dreamed about the smooth skin under his hands, about the ways he could hurt his doctor…but recently, those dreams had changed. Instead of torture, his dreams showed love, hands pressed to hot skin to give pleasure instead of pain. But now…now, Julian was out of his reach forever. Whatever chance they’d had was gone when Tain had taken Julian. Now, all Garak could do was try to minimize the pain.

But the blood…the soft cries from Julian’s lips…the lack of a struggle…Garak’s hand shook and the knife fell.

Tain only smirked. “As I thought.” He stood up and walked to them. Garak stood up, staring at Julian, fighting to hide his revulsion at what had been done…what he had done.

Tain grabbed Julian by the hair and dragged him to his knees. Julian cried out again, finally struggling against Tain’s hold. With his other hand, Tain reached for the fastenings of his trousers.

“Wait!” Garak cried.

Tain looked up. Garak swallowed. “What do you want me to do?” he asked, ashamed of himself, of the weakness that was Julian.

“I want you to get information out of the shapeshifter,” Tain said. “Persuade him to talk to us…he must know something.”

“That might be difficult,” Garak said. “Interrogating a man who can change shape…”

“You let me worry about that,” Tain said. “We’ve a few days before we reach the planet. For now, I think you need a bit more persuading to the cause.” He undid the fastenings on his trousers and dragged Julian closer.

Garak could only watch, horrified, as Tain forced himself into Julian’s mouth. Julian choked and whimpered as his head was forced down. Garak could hear the ragged breaths, the muffled cries as Tain thrust in deep. Garak kept his eyes on Julian’s back, on the marks he had made, trying to hide how much this disgusted him, that his father would take the thing most precious to him…

Julian was fighting now, trying to pull away. His hands moved up, pushing at Tain’s hips, trying to throw him off. Tain’s grip in Julian’s hair tightened, pulling hard, pushing deeper. Garak grit his teeth, unable to close his eyes. He knew in his heart this was his fault. If he hadn’t come chasing after Tain, if he had left when he could have and come back with the Defiant, if he had been able to stamp down that stupid, infuriating emotion…

Garak didn’t know how long he stood there, watching this atrocity, before Tain finally shuddered and pulled away, letting go of Julian. Julian fell forward, coughing and gasping, tears falling down his cheeks. Garak wanted to go to him, to take the doctor in his arms, to pick up the knife from the floor and kill Tain, paternity be damned, but he did none of it. He just stood there.

Tain fixed his clothing and looked back to Garak. “I’ll call you when I have the details of your assignment ready,” he said. “Until then, I suggest you rest. You’ll need your strength to carry it out.”

Garak nodded mutely before he turned and left the room. It was only when he reached the guest quarters he’d been assigned that he collapsed on the cot and cried.

*

Garak had seen it.

Garak had seen it, and participated in it, and had done nothing to help him.

That was the only thought Julian could cling to, because thinking about anything else hurt too much. He had to hold onto some emotion other than pain and humiliation, and anger was the only other thing he could muster up.

He was angry with Tain, of course, but being angry at Tain meant nothing—Tain didn’t care what Julian thought one way or another. The man had admitted that Julian wasn’t important—all of this was just a means to control Garak.

And Garak had done nothing.

Julian barely registered Tain pulling him back down the corridor towards his quarters, though Julian was at least on his feet this time, stumbling along blindly. He was trying not to think, not to feel, to simply retreat back into his own mind and leave his body to be abused.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. No matter how hard Julian tried to shut his brain down, he just couldn’t. The rest of his body, fine. He could give himself a heart attack if he concentrated, or stop breathing until he passed out without anyone noticing. But his brain? It was impossible. It was too perfect, too fast, too attuned to taking in everything going on around him—and to him. He didn’t even have the luxury of inducing a catatonic state to escape this.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try. Focus on Garak, focus on how angry he was…

That wasn’t working, that meant thinking about what had happened back in the office. Try something else, anything else, anything that didn’t have to do with Tain or Garak or anything…

That was impossible. Garak had barely left Julian’s thoughts for three years. How could he put the Cardassian out of his mind now, after that humiliating display? After the cuts Garak had put on his back?

Focus. Something neutral. Something as far removed from Garak as possible.

_Once one is one. Once two is two. Once three is three…_

They were back in Tain’s quarters. Tain lifted Julian by the arm and threw him on the bed. Julian didn’t resist, just let himself fall. What did it matter? Tain had taken everything from him. Whatever he did next wouldn’t make any difference.

_Once four is four. Once five is five. Once six is six._

Tain said something. Julian squeezed his eyes shut and blocked it out. _Once seven is seven. Once eight is eight._

A sharp slap to his cheek. It barely registered over the pain in his back and throat and nose. _Once nine is nine. Once ten is ten._

A sound that might have been a laugh. More words, muddled and indistinct. Focus. _Once eleven is eleven. Once twelve is twelve._

The weight again, hot and repulsive. Julian didn’t try to push it away, just turned his head and let Tain do whatever he wanted. _Once thirteen is thirteen. Once fourteen is fourteen._

Slowly, ever so slowly, the feelings around him faded. Julian evened his breathing, relaxed into the rhythm. _Once fifteen is fifteen. Once sixteen is sixteen._

There. Tain was distant and whatever he was doing, he was doing to someone else. Julian breathed deep and easy, his mind blissfully unaware of anything but his numbers.

_Once seventeen is seventeen. Once eighteen is eighteen. Once nineteen is nineteen. Once twenty is twenty…_

*

He could hear it, from the corridor. It wasn’t loud, really, but Garak knew what he was listening for. Quiet gasps and whimpers, blows and growls, the slap of skin on skin. He couldn’t block it out, couldn’t forget what was happening behind that door.

Garak slipped into the shadows and waited. Tain would have to leave eventually, go back to the office or the bridge to coordinate the attack. He just had to wait.

Sure enough, it wasn’t too long before the door opened and Tain left, heading back to the bridge as though nothing had happened. Garak noticed he didn’t lock the door. Either Tain didn’t think Julian was a threat, or Julian was too hurt to try and escape.

Garak moved out of the shadows and opened the door. Julian was lying naked on the bed, in much the same state he’d been in when Tain had dragged him out of the office. Slowly, Garak moved toward him.

Julian’s eyes were closed, though whether he was sleeping or had simply retreated into his own head Garak couldn’t be certain. Garak knelt down and looked him over, wishing he had a dermal regenerator to erase the bruises, wishing he was strong enough to pretend Julian didn’t matter to him, wishing he could bring himself to punish Tain for this…

But it was no use to dwell on it. Instead, Garak went to the replicator and requested a bowl of water and a cloth. The items appeared and Garak carried them back to Julian.

He cleaned the blood from Julian’s face, and the evidence of Tain’s brutality from between his legs. It wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, but it was something. Garak returned the items to the recycler and then picked up Julian’s trousers. Carefully, he got the doctor back into them, desperate to give them man some semblance of dignity. Julian didn’t stir the entire time, too deeply asleep or too deeply traumatized to do anything but allow Garak to look after him.

Garak brushed a hand through Julian’s hair gently. He wanted to say something, anything, but what could he say? What could he do other than what he always did, erase the evidence and keep his mouth shut?

Unable to stand it any longer, Garak turned and left the room.

*

After everything, being told to torture Odo was about the least stressful thing Garak had heard all day. Being handed the method to do it was only a bonus.

Odo was cavalier as ever, even after the device turned on. Garak didn’t say much once the device was turned on, just waited…and waited…

“Dammit, Odo,” Garak said after an hour. “I’m not doing this because I want to! I have to do this! For me, for Julian!”

Odo turned to him, falling apart but still shocked. “Dr. Bashir?” he whispered. “What’s happened to him?”

“Tain…” Garak couldn’t say it. He couldn’t tell anyone. It was Julian’s secret, Julian’s pain. “Tain tortured him…is still torturing him…to control me…please, Odo. Give me something. Lie if you have to…just say something. Please…help him.”

Odo looked at him and gasped out, “Home…I want to go home.”

It was enough. Thank every god or prophet or whatever that it was enough.

When Garak reported back to the office, Tain listened to his report and then sighed. “Did you get anything out of him at all?”

“Nothing. He never broke.” Garak took a breath. “Since this endeavor has proved fruitless…I wonder if we might consider letting Dr. Bashir go.”

Tain raised an eyebrow. “Really? Is that sentiment talking again, Elim?”

“No!” Garak forced himself to remain neutral. It was slightly easier since Julian wasn’t on the bridge. “No, just…I don’t think you’ll get any more use out of him…either of them.”

“I agree.” Tain turned to one of the Romulans. “Terminate them.”

“On the other hand,” Garak interrupted. “Odo is a member of the Bajoran militia…and Dr. Bashir is a member of Starfleet. We may not want to provoke the Federation by killing them.”

“I agree with Garak,” Lovak said unexpectedly. Tain turned in surprise.

“Do you?”

Garak breathed easier. He had support. He had someone on his side, even if it was a Romulan.

“…I want to take Odo back to Romulus for further study.”

“And Dr. Bashir?”

Lovak glanced between Tain and Garak. “I’m sure you’ll find a use for him. And if not…I suggest keeping him alive so the Federation doesn’t declare war on either of our worlds.”

“All right,” Tain said. “In the interest of cooperation…”

The communications array pinged and Garak breathed easier as they moved toward the bridge.

As soon as Tain was out of sight, Lovak cornered Garak.

“Can I do something for you, Colonel?” Garak asked.

“Why were you trying to protect them?”

Garak blinked. “I wasn’t trying to protect them. And as I recall, you thought it was a good idea to keep them alive as well.”

“My interest in the Federation prisoners is based on what I believe to be the strategic interests of the Romulan Empire.  But you... you seem to have a personal interest in them…especially the doctor.”

Garak smiled. “Tell me, what else am I feeling? I’ve never ben psychoanalyzed by a Romulan before. This is a fascinating experience.”

Lovak’s expression would have been the envy of every member of the Obsidian Order. “You are a practiced liar, Mister Garak.  But I am a practiced observer.  And I can assure you... I'm going to be observing you very closely.”

Garak blinked before he followed Lovak to the bridge.

It was easy, to focus on the attack, to listen to Tain give orders. It was simple. It was perfect. He didn’t have to think about Julian or Odo or anything except the attack…

“…No change in lifeform readings.”

“What?” Tain barked. “That’s impossible. Some of them had to be killed.”

Garak dove for the console as the pilot confirmed the readings. “It's a ruse.  They're using an automated transponder to send back false sensor readings.  The planet's deserted.”

And then the Jem’Hadar were coming from the nebula, 150 of them strong. “It’s a trap…they’ve been waiting for us all along.”

Then it was all lights and explosions and Garak could only think of the one thing that mattered— _Julian._

“It can’t be…how could this have happened…?”

“I'm afraid the fault, dear Tain, is not in our stars... but in ourselves,” Garak said, his mind racing.

“What?”

“Just something I learned from Dr. Bashir.”  The ship rocked, the engineers were shouting, and Garak knew that the chaos was his only chance.

He moved off the bridge and dashed toward Tain’s quarters. And it should not have been that easy to override the doorlock, but thank goodness it was.

Julian was lying on the bed, still naked from the waist up.

“Julian.”

No movement, no reaction of any sort.

“Julian, we have to go.”

*

_Thirteen times twenty is two hundred and sixty. Thirteen times twenty-one is two hundred and seventy-three. Thirteen times twenty-two is two hundred and eighty-six…_

 “Julian.”

No, don’t listen to him. Don’t listen to his voice, calling your name. _Thirteen times twenty-three is two hundred and ninety-nine. Thirteen times twenty-four is three hundred and twelve. Thirteen times twenty-five is three hundred and twenty-five._

“Julian, we have to go.”

_Fourteen times one is fourteen. Fourteen times two is twenty-eight. Fourteen times three is forty-two._

There was someone next to him. Ignore it. Ignore him.

_Fourteen times four is fifty-six. Fourteen times five is seventy._

“I don’t want to hurt you any more…but I have to get you out of here and I don’t have time to be gentle.”

A hand on his arm, pulling up. Julian let himself be pulled to his feet, not feeling, not resisting. _Fourteen times six is eighty-four. Fourteen times seven is ninety-eight._

And then they were moving. Julian could feel himself being half pulled, half carried through the shaking corridor. _Fourteen times eight is one hundred and twelve. Fourteen times nine is one hundred and twenty-six._

He was only dimly aware when they stopped. “Wait here.” Julian swayed on his feet but didn’t fall, focusing on his rhythm. _Fourteen times ten is one hundred and forty. Fourteen times eleven is one hundred and fifty-four._

Something that sounded like a disrupter blast, then he was being pulled along again. _Fourteen times twelve is one hundred and sixty-eight. Fourteen times thirteen is one hundred and eighty-two._

Voices. Odo. That was Odo. Slowly, Julian opened his eyes.

“I suggest we make our way to the runabout.”

“For once, Garak, I agree with you…can he walk?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

Julian’s eyes closed again. _Fourteen times fourteen is one hundred and ninety-six. Fourteen times fifteen is two hundred and ten._

He was being dragged along again, but not far this time. Then there was more talk, more people, and another hand on him. NO! _Fourteen times sixteen is two hundred and twenty-four. Fourteen times seventeen is two hundred and thirty-eight. Fourteen times eighteen is two hundred and fifty-two. Fourteen times nineteen is two hundred and sixty-six. Fourteen times twenty is two hundred and eighty. Fourteen times twenty-one is two hundred and ninety-four._

More movement. Julian bit back the sarcastic remark to tell Garak to decide whether they’re moving or standing still, just stop jerking him around. _Fourteen times twenty-two is three hundred and eight. Fourteen times twenty-three is three hundred and twenty-two._

“The runabout is that way, two decks down in Section Twenty-Five. Take Julian, I’ll meet you there.”

He felt himself being passed to someone else, someone who was a lot less gentle than before, yet a lot less intimate. He found his footing easier, stood a little straighter. _Fourteen times twenty-four is three hundred and thirty-six. Fourteen times twenty-five is three hundred and fifty._

“Where are you going?”

“To the bridge…to get Tain.”

Julian’s eyes snapped open. He lurched back into the moment, staring at Garak.

“What?!” Julian felt Odo tense.

“I know it’s hard for you to understand, Constable…but I still own him a personal debt…and I have to try and repay it. Wait for us as long as you can.”

Julian tried to kick his brain back into gear, tried to object, but Garak was already gone.

Odo sighed. “Come on, Doctor…don’t make me carry you.”

Julian’s eyes closed again, but he took a breath and started his rhythm again. _Fifteen times one is fifteen. Fifteen times two is thirty._ One foot in front of another. Walk with the rhythm. _Fifteen times three is forty-five. Fifteen times four is sixty. Fifteen times five is seventy-five. Fifteen times six is ninety._

“Doctor, we’re here. You’re going to have to go in…we’re going home, I promise, I just have to get Garak first.”

Julian opened his eyes. The runabout. Home. The station.

Garak.

Julian pressed the door mechanism and stumbled into the runabout. He staggered to the cockpit, unable to face a ship cot right now. He collapsed in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead.

_Fifteen times seven is one hundred and five. Fifteen times eight is one hundred and twenty. Fifteen times nine is one hundred and thirty-five._

*

Garak ran back to the bridge, hating himself every second. He shouldn’t be going back to get the man who had taken his friend, his _Julian,_ and destroyed him. Broken him, like everything else Tain touched.

And yet here Garak was, going back to rescue him anyway. Rescue Tain, put him in a small space with Julian, and trusting Odo to make sure nothing else happened. It had to be the worst idea he’d ever had, but…

Well, at the end of the day, Tain was still his father. He was still half of what was left of Garak’s family, and at the moment, the half that Garak could save.

The bridge was all but destroyed, yet Tain was still there, calm, thoughtful…still perfectly in place. Garak grit his teeth and moved forward. “Tain, we have to go!”

Tain looked up, his expression unchanging, and Garak felt what little remained of his heart shatter. “There must have been an informant. It’s the only explanation.”

“You’re right.” He was always right, even if he was the most evil man Garak could think of who wasn’t connected to the Dominion. “There was an informant—Colonel Lovak is a changeling.”

Finally, finally Tain’s expression changed. He looked…shocked. Defeated. Weak. _Good._ “Lovak…”

No time. “Yes. But we can discuss it at a later time. Right now I think…”

“It appears I underestimated the Founders,” Tain said musingly. “I should have seen it coming.  There was a time when nothing got past me.” He turned towards Garak. “You remember, don't you, Elim?”

The bridge exploded again and Garak cursed. He moved toward Tain and grabbed his shoulder. “Yes, I do! But now, we have to go!”

Tain sighed. “Go where? Back to Mila and my…quiet retirement? I don’t think so.” His mouth quirked in a slight smile. “I must be getting old...I let my pride override my instincts...wouldn't have played it that way in the old days...in the old days I would've kept Lovok at arms’ length...he was too cagey...too smart...”

Garak knew Tain wouldn’t leave. Part of Garak didn’t want Tain to come with him, but most of him…well, he couldn’t leave Tain here to die, even if the part of his brain that spoke in Julian’s voice was screaming for him to do just that. Finally, Garak spoke. “I can’t just leave you here.”

Tain sighed. “I always did have a soft spot for you, Elim…another of my flaws…”

Garak opened his mouth to beg, to plead, to offer anything Tain might want…well, almost anything…but before Garak could speak, he felt a blow to the head and thought no more.

*

_Eighteen times two is thirty-six. Eighteen times three is fifty-four. Eighteen times four is seventy-two._

There was noise, then there was movement. Julian opened his eyes. Odo was back, and Garak. The runabout was taking off. Julian shifted, suddenly cold.

Garak stirred and Julian noticed a bruise on his head. Julian’s brain started working again, going into doctor mode. Slowly, very slowly, he stood up. He took one faltering step and stumbled.

Garak half-turned. “Julian?” he said softly.

Julian swallowed a few times, then forced himself to breathe. “That looks painful,” he finally whispered.

“It is,” Garak said. “But it may well have saved my life.”

Julian took another step. Then another.

Just before he reached Garak, the runabout was rocked by an explosion. Garak turned to the console. “Aft shields down to fifty percent. More speed would be advisable.”

“The warp drive is offline.”

Julian stood trying to steady himself as several more shots rocked the runabout. He closed his eyes and took a few breaths. Rhythm, find a rhythm. He can fix Garak later. Right now…

Shirt. A shirt would be a good idea. Julian stumbled back towards the crew quarters and stood in front of the replicator. He breathed for a moment as the runabout rocked again. “Standard uniform shirt, men’s size 10,” Julian said.

It appeared and he pulled it on gratefully. He thought about a jacket, then decided against it. It was enough to be fully dressed for the first time in two days.

The ship rocked and the lights went dim. Julian groaned and went back to the cockpit, where Garak and Odo were still shouting over the consoles. Just as Julian got there, the lights went out.

Julian found his voice. “We’re dead,” he breathed.

Garak leaned back. “Julian…” He looked at him, his face for once completely open and honest. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Julian’s eyes closed. _Eighteen times five is ninety. Eighteen times six is one hundred and eight. Eighteen times seven is one hundred and twenty-six…_

Suddenly there was light all around them and they beamed out. As Julian fell on the pads in the transporter room of the Defiant, his rhythm definitely broke.

“Julian!”

And had Miles O’Brien ever sounded more beautiful? Julian stood up, trembling. Miles was at his side in a second, his hand taking Julian’s elbow, firm but gentle. “What happened to you?”

Julian swallowed and forced a smile. “I just…spent a few days in the hands of the head of the Obsidian Order.”

Miles looked at him in horror for a moment, taking in the bruises and the blood and the half-uniform before his jaw suddenly tightened. “Infirmary. Now.”

Julian nodded and let himself be led there.

*

Garak stood in the ruins of his shop and sighed. So much destruction…and he would have to repair it all himself.

Odo had already been by to thank him for not mentioning his confession in the report. Garak wished that would do something to soothe his conscience.

Julian. What he’d done to Julian. The pain he’d inflicted. The pain he’d allowed to happen. The things Tain had done with him…

“Garak?”

Garak turned. Julian was standing in the doorway, looking marginally better than he had the last time Garak had seen him. The physical evidence of their experience was gone, but Julian still looked drawn and unhappy.

“Doctor!” Garak forced a smile onto his face. “I’m afraid I’m not open for business yet, but…”

“Garak, please,” Julian said. “We have to talk about this sometime.”

The smile faded. “Julian…”

“Garak. It happened. It’s…part of me now…part of…part of us.”

“Is there an us?”

Julian’s eyes closed. “I don’t know,” he said. “What Tain did…what you did…I don’t know if…if I’ll ever recover, or…or if I’ll ever want…”

“I know.” Garak turned away. “I’m so, so sorry…I didn’t want…”

“Why did you stay?”

He turned back around. “Stay?”

“Tain offered you the chance to go…you could have left, gotten Sisko to save us. Why didn’t you?”

Garak closed his eyes. “Because I thought…if I stayed, I could manage the interrogations…I thought, if I stayed and did as he said, he wouldn’t hurt you.” He exhaled heavily. “I was wrong…and you paid for it.”

Julian swallowed. “Garak…I know…you tried to help me…you begged for him to leave me alone. You tried…” He took a breath. “Thank you. And…and thank you, for not including it in your report…what he did to me.”

“It’s your secret to tell.” Garak forced himself to meet Julian’s eye. “And where does that leave us?”

Julian looked unsteady again, but he stayed standing. “Garak…before this, I loved you. I wanted you, more than anything.”

“And now?”

“Now…I need time to think. Space to…to process all of this…you might have noticed I wasn’t very responsive back there? I was trying to shut down…I’m still trying to shut down at times.”

“I understand.” Garak turned back to the shop. “When you’re ready to discuss this further…I’ll be here.”

“Thank you.”

Julian turned and walked away.


End file.
